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I’m on the Dart coming back from visiting Howth in the driving rain, and as I get up to get off at Pearse Station, an Irish gentleman in a suit asks me kindly ‘is this my brolly?’. I think I’ve misheard the first time and politely I say: ‘sorry?’, to which he repeats the same question. Probably seeing the puzzled expression on my face, he holds out my umbrella, translating: ‘Is this your umbrella?’. Aha. So it is.

Rain is a part of life in Ireland. There is no point in fretting over it or you’ll be doing nothing else for the rest of your time. The sooner you accept that, yes, it will definitely rain, today, and tomorrow, and the day after; the sooner you can get on with other things. Rain here comes in all strengths and forms, but the most commonly known and most frequently experienced is the drizzle. It’s not quite bad enough to get you soaking wet but can be annoying in its unrelenting perseverance.
Because of this predictable weather condition, the most important piece of clothing in Ireland, and in a city like Dublin especially, is the umbrella. Everybody always carries an umbrella or brolly wherever they go. Even if the sun is shining bright in the morning when you leave, you take your umbrella. You either put it in your bag (preferably when it’s sunny) or hang it off your arm by its loop. You can also carry it in your hand but this is mostly when you think you might get pelted by great big drops of rain any moment now. The umbrella is small, so as to fit in a moderately-sized bag, and can be colourful but it doesn’t have to be. It’s not a fashion item. It’s a means to an end, and that end is not to have to compromise on clothes, which are fashion items.
Under no circumstances can Irish rain be an excuse to compromise on clothing. Not ever. Not even when the rain doesn’t let up for even one fucking second all day. Ever. That is why you have the umbrella. So you would never ever have to resort to huge, tent-like, brightly coloured water- and windproof spray jackets with hoods and taped seams to make sure no rain can trickle in – in short, what would be perceived by the rest of the world as sensible clothing for a wet climate. As far as clothes go, you must pretend that rain doesn’t exist. You dress in your suit (no jacket), or a smart twin piece (no jacket), or a cocktail dress (no jacket), or – very hot this year – a maxi (definitely no jacket), or, if you’re not that into fancy shmancy clothes, your tracksuit (no jacket whatsoever). And you take your umbrella. This also goes for shoes. It is taboo to mention the rain when buying shoes. You just don’t. You buy the shoes you like, or the ones that are sooo hot, or the ones with killer heels. You don’t get shoes because they’ll cope well with a bit of rain. That is just silly. The only tiny little compromise allowed in this area could be the wellies. Not, of course, the khaki English-squire-hunting-fox-on-his-estate wellies. Colourful pairs with cheerful patterns such as flowers, hearts, kittens, polka dots,... can be seen as a fashion statement and therefore permitted, especially in combination with a miniskirt or a pair of skinny jeans. Shamrock and leprechaun patterns are strictly off the limits.